Black Friday Matters (VIDEO)

Black Friday is traditionally the day when hordes of chemically defective people race into Target and Best Buy to save eleven dollars at the cost of their ulnae and remaining dignity. I know. You camped out and saved $200. Someday I’ll explain to you how that’s not the same as a job. This woman here snatches a sale item from a child during a fracas. Is she the biggest winner or the biggest loser? That’s the thing about Black Friday, it’s like living in the bush. Jesus and the UN give you the authority to kill Cecil the Lion when he stalks you for dinner. That’s different than flying business class from Minneapolis to bag him with a GPS tracker. The rules are there are no rules. It’s underground Bangkok fighting for fat women with lots of cousins. Poke that girl’s eye out. Who brings a kid to Black Friday?