Emlie Hirsch Gets Off Easy

Emile Hirsch will have to do 15 days in jail for trying to drunkenly choke out an under qualified film executive named Daniele Bernfeld who started greenlighting Rush Hour 9 right out of Montessori while eating latkas. He’s a shitty actor, but she’s better:

“I was subjected to a violent and unprovoked attack by a complete stranger. The defendant, Emile Hirsch, put me in a chokehold, pulled me off my feet and threw me on the floor. With the full force of his weight, he choked me until I blacked out. It took two people to pull him off me, and if not for their intervention, the attack would have continued. I thought I was going to die.”

He’s four foot three. What the fuck are you talking about and what kind of damage can Frodo do? God forbid you’ve seen a car go six miles over the speed limit. That could have been your unborn children. Shut the fuck up. Hirsch should get more than two weeks. We also shouldn’t be dropping drones on Kazakhstan. Get over it.

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