Kristen Stewart Is a Survivor

When you start  with the premise that being super famous and having people leer at you in your local hipster coffee house is akin to the Holocaust, Kristen Stewart has had a lot to overcome. To promote her new movie, Kristen Stewart agreed to meet with some reporter chick from Nylon magazine who uses exaggerated metaphors to compare two hours with Kristen Stewart in a curio stores in Echo Park to going up the river to look for Kurtz. In no short order, Kristen Stewart reveals that life is hard, the press sucks, and fuck anybody who wants to tell her how to behave. The three tentpoles to easily dismiss her as a spoiled brat. Four if you included the hand-rolled cigarettes. Five if you include her angst at anybody using the word lesbian to describe her finger fucking her girlfriend.

If you feel like you really want to define yourself, and you have the ability to articulate those parameters and that in itself defines you, then do it. But I am an actress, man. I live in the fucking ambiguity of this life and I love it. I don’t feel like it would be true for me to be like, ‘I’m coming out!’

Stewart follows the Miley Cyrus school of sexuality fluidity not documented by any science, but decidedly popular among rich girls who hate their parents. Stewart believes in three or four more years, we will have evolved past the gay or straight analog world. So mark your calendars for 2019. Andy Dick is going label-less. Or just count six more Kristen Stewart films you don’t intend to watch. Have you considered becoming an aid worker in Northern Syria? I here they’re hiring.

Photo credit: Getty Images/Nylon Magazine