Cecil The Lion’s Brother Assassinated

Dr Giggles aka Walter Palmer killed Cecil the Lion two days after fucking up his bow shot and stalking the corpse while it bled out after Cecil was promised a sweepstakes prize if he just tiptoed past the fence. TMZ, known for their zoological surveys, is now reporting Cecil’s brother Jericho was killed by poachers. I don’t know much about lion behavior but definitely more than the vapid dropouts at TMZ so I’m going to blindly theorize that Cecil’s brother went looking for him and crossed the protected zone that Cecil was dragged out of in lynch mode and was promptly shot. I don’t trust you with my wisdom teeth if you get off on chopping off something’s head. Now they’re never getting the bad back together. Enjoy Belize you fucking cock smoker. Rednecks come in all colors. Lay off the trailer parks.

EDITED TO ADD: TMZ is now reporting Jericho is alive and well. Apparently their dubiously credible coverage of current events extends beyond humanity to the entire animal kingdom. Possibly their source in Zimbabwe is confused since all lions look exactly alike.

Photo Credit: Getty Images