Tom Cruise Persona Non Grata

Persistent rumors indicate Tom Cruise is thinking about leaving the Church of Scientology, at which point we can stop discussing whether or not he is gay because they will purchase a two hour block of prime time to air his bathhouse fuck tapes. Cruise’s nine year old daughter Suri is not being raised in the church possibly because Katie Holmes spurned them after she cashed the check for answering their mail order bride ads. Suri is now on the verge of being labeled a Suppressive Person, meaning Cruise would in theory have to avoid seeing her or risk his own standing in the Church. If that sounds fucked up imagine how much money he’s given them. Weird psychopaths aren’t as loyal as they used to be. His participation in Scientology has reportedly already strained his relationship with his daughter who isn’t into detailing his cars for free or dressing like a communist with a recipe for arsenic Kool Aid woven into her inside breast pocket. Cruise and Scientology probably both have equal dirt on each other. Sucking cock doesn’t sound so bad when you’re running a pyramid scheme and orchestrating the biggest tax heist in US history. If I were Cruise I’d hire security, get a food taster, and send whatever docs he has to WikiLeaks stat. Beat them to the punch before your cock pics end on CNN. America only has room for one scandal on the subject. Breaking Clear.

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