Taylor Swift Gets Free DJing

Taylor Swift posted her first Instagram with her new boyfriend Calvin Harris, the modern day equivalent of commitment. It used to be anal on your wedding night. We’re living in strange times. Harris is a Scottish guy who found moderate success as a performer and record producer and has since moved onto being a DJ, proving he sucked at the other things. Being a DJ entails treacherous work such as having to press play on an iPod and occasionally smell buttons which were touched by Paris Hilton. You also have to learn how to wear one headphone and bob your head out of synch. It’s akin to chewing gum and walking at the same time except you make a hundred grand a show for reasons which will never fully be explained but people on drugs sometimes lack judgement. It seems like they’re having a good time and I wish them luck. Who’s going to be the first one to get drunk and fuck the pool toy?

Photo Credit: Instagram