Ben Affleck Hunky Slave Owner

Turns out Ben Affleck’s great-great-great grandfather wasn’t just a minor slave owner, he held a couple dozen African-Americans to his name, mostly inherited from his mother-in-law who also gave him her gravy boat and a portrait of a cat. Nobody gives a shit about Ben Affleck’s grand-pappy in Georgia investing in slavery except for Ben Affleck because being a righteous Brentwood warrior means never having to say you’re a hypocrite when labeling others as racists and haters. Affleck penned a letter to the PBS show embarrassing famous white people with their genealogy asking them to edit his slave owning relative Benjamin Cole out of the program. He wrote on Facebook that he was shocked and horrified to learn he had a slave owner relative because that’s something you say when you want to still be able to go on television and call people Islamophobes for noting that 99.9% of terrorists are Muslim. It’s complicated being right in your mind all the time. Probably should’ve held onto those slaves. You just can’t share your problems with the Central American immigrant house staff like you could your long serving negroes. Chicken George always knew the right words to say.