Courtney Stodden Hawking Sex Tape

Courtney Stodden, who is known for marrying Lost actor Doug Hutchison when she was 16 and he was 50 and absolutely nothing else, is trying to sell a video of herself masturbating, presumably with a Mountain Dew Code Red bottle. The couple are still married yet at age 20 Hutchison feels she’s getting a bit long in the tooth and is eying the Shakey’s salad bar. It’s a precarious situation because I could count a number of porn stars who are actually more famous than Stodden. They’re doing a lot more than just diddling themselves on camera, often to the point of exhaustion. When you’re on set and see our fine young women getting an IV while sitting in an ice bucket you really understand the value of professionalism. I don’t need to see this tape just like I don’t need Matthew Perry telling me who to vote for. Stick to what you do best. Make your creepy husband happy. He’s got SAG benefits. You’re probably running low on Huggies. There’s no way he’s booking the Full House reboot after marrying a chick less than 1/3 his age. No sex tape in the world can change that. When you’re 35 he’ll be 73. Don’t even think about recording it.

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