Conrad Hilton Is the Youngest

Paris Hilton’s younger brother Conrad was just arrested following a meltdown he had on a flight from JFK to LAX last June. This is the kid who travels the country getting his ass kicked at parties and then telling everybody he got jumped. Among other activities clearly marked as no-no’s in the pre-flight safety announcement, Hilton told a flight attendant he would kick his ass. threatened to kill somebody, smoked weed in the bathroom, alerted the flight attendants they were fired, and repeatedly punched the bulkhead of the plane before passing out at which point the flight crew handcuffed him to his seat. It’s unclear why it still took eight months to arrest him for being such an outraged dick aboard a commercial airliner but apparently investigators were waiting for TMZ to tell them what happened. Also, many of them had their resumes in for jobs with Hilton’s dad.

“If you wanna square up to me bro, then bring it and I will fucking fight you… I am going to fucking kill you… I will fucking rip through you… I will fucking own anyone on this flight they are fucking peasants… I could get you all fired in 5 minutes. I know your boss! My father will pay this out. He has done it before. Dad paid $300k last time.”

Hilton is being represented by Robert Shapiro of O.J. Simpson fame. Shapiro’s defense is Hilton took an Ambien and his assholery was just one of those sleep walking side effects you read about on foreign WebMD. I’m generally a proponent of the Western style of jurisprudence and the way in which rich people can do pretty much whatever the fuck they want. It encourages industriousness. But just this once I say we go Hammurabi and throw Hilton in the ring with three male flight attendants on poppers and little sleep and tell them to square up.

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