Bobbi Kristina Never Had a Chance

Being the kid of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown is like winning the lottery where you get money but everything else in your life is supremely fucked up forever more. So, just like the regular lottery. Just for kicks, the authorities are calling Bobbi Kristina face down in a tub a cardiac arrest. Thirty-seven interested parties have quickly come out to claim there were no drugs involved. Thirty-six of these people said the same thing when Whitney Houston was found cocained to the bottom of the Hilton tub in 2012. The thirty-seventh is the drug dealer who sold to both Whitney and her daughter. It’s not that 21-year old girls don’t just routinely have heart attacks when taking their 10 am baths, it’s just that they don’t.

Photo credit: Splash News