Miley Cyrus Puddle Jumping

Miley Cyrus posted a photo of herself masturbating or just lifted an image from a random 70’s porno or pantyhose billboard and called it her own. She captioned it with:

“A masturbate a day keeps the doctor away.”

There’s something inherently hot about a buck toothed cherub playing with herself and using improper syntax. Cyrus is one of the few people who masturbates standing up with their clothes on. It almost seems inauthentic, yet I still want to believe. Cyrus may be blowing her load a little too quickly as far as orchestrated sensationalism. This time next year she’ll be shooting golf balls out of her ass while you yawn and open a new tab. Either way, I’m pretty sure she diddles her bean regularly and that party drugs have eaten a hole in her brain. Really drains the serotonin. There’s a way to bring it back up. Lay back and hold your breath.

Photo Credit: Instagram