Fat Guys Pissed at American Sniper

I treat knee-jerk politicization like a girl faces her period arriving on prom night. I cry and yell at random men in my household. Hollywood is consuming itself with reflexive spite because American Sniper did so well at the box office and it might glorify U.S. soldier heroics in Iraq. I saw the movie and I didn’t see that. I could see young men seeing this movie and signing up I suppose. If they miss the parts about all the limbs being blown off, horrendous PTSD, broken families, and lifelong trauma. This it the counter reflexive thinking to groups protesting gay characters on TV because they’re going to turn their hunting and weightlifting sons queer. Trust me, if you’re that concerned, it’s already time to knock first on your son’s door when “Keith” is over studying.

Seth Rogen came out on Twitter blasting American Sniper as blatant war machine propaganda, followed shortly by Michael Moore who by association then made Seth Rogen look like just another fat complainer. Although Michael Moore claims his comments about real American snipers being cowards compared to invaded countries snipers being good neighbors had nothing to do with the American Sniper movie. Sort of like his trips to grab Ring Dings at 3am has nothing to do with his figure. Yes, that’s a fat joke. Even God knows that’s okay for the assholes he left slip through.

I could care less about people’s personal politics. I mostly just want everybody to shut the fuck up. If you have something intelligent to say about seemingly pointless extended police actions in foreign lands, write out your thoughts and serve it up to be digested. Chris Rock wrote an extended piece on race in Hollywood that turned out to be spot on. Tweeting is not meant for thoughtful debate, it’s a giant scoop of ‘look at me now, I’m import…’ ran out of characters. You write stupid shit, wait for idiots like Newt Gingrich to compulsively respond with similarly myopic shit, then run to the juice bar to get slapped on the back for being a brave Internet warrior. See that reflective shimmer from the distant rooftop? Three blocks to safety, tubby.