Demi Lovato’s Boobs Seem to Be Doing Well

Demi Lovato is another in the chain of girls whose parents told them to let Barney touch them in their special spots if he promised they could continue to be his onscreen friend at SAG-weekly rates. Kids raised in Kurdish bombed out villages have statistically better outcomes than kids who came in contact with the purple dinosaur. When Baby Bop crossed the room in her leg irons to whisper, run, Demi, run, you should’ve listened. Granted, your mom would’ve put you right back because waitressing sucks that much. Besides, look at what’s become of you. Shut up with the cutting and the drugs and the bulimia and the suicide attempts, do you think any of your kindergarten classmates grew up to get a feature spread in Allure? Go write your mom a nice card.

Photo Credit: Allure