Kristen Stewart Takes Her Lesbian for a Walk

Spurned by jealousy of her famous ex-boyfriend and the God who punished her with a pretty face, Kristen Stewart has begun locking herself into the Anger Expression room of her house with her butch assistant. It’s the kind of relationship where for half a second as a nosy neighbor you get excited when they forget to pull the shades. Then you move. I’m just thrilled Kristen finally seems happy. I root for chain smoking self-loathing angry women like no other. Who else will love them besides me and their personal assistants, only one of whom knows precisely how many knuckles will make her feel special.

Photo Credit: INF