Lance Bass To Make Indeterminate History

Lance Bass will marry his boyfriend Michael Turchin on a 90 minute E! Special called Lance Loves Michael: The Lance Bass Wedding. This will mark the first television broadcast of a celebrity wedding between two men. It will also lead to several heterosexual divorces if women insist their husbands watch with them. If you wondered who was wearing the assless chaps in this relationship just realize Bass named the wedding after himself. It’s always Lance Bass. Where Lance Bass wants to have dinner. What movie Lance Bass wants to see. What dumpster in Spanish Harlem Lance Bass wants to get blown behind while a bunch of street urchins pay to watch. In three years I hope to catch the bitter divorce when these two realize they got married because they were trending on Twitter and that E! would air a special of Mister T jerking off into a pitcher of Sunny D if it costs less than Sex in the City syndication broadcast fees.

Remember when Syndrome told Mr. Incredible, ‘When everyone’s super, no one will be’. Guess what Lance? Everybody’s gay now. You’re not special.

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