Being Dwayne Johnson Not Worth It

Dwayne Johnson is open about being an insane workout guy. This is refreshing if you’ve ever met the super ripped dude who claims he only works out on occasion yet actually owns three gym memberships so people don’t notice what a psycho he is. The guy who’s dying to chug a sixer of beer but claims he’s ‘seeking clarity.’ Even though you’ll definitely bang college chicks, the amount of effort involved to attain Hercules status is unreasonable. Johnson recently posted a photo of his disgusting daily breakfast and his language suggests he is bugging out of his mind on the legal speed they sell at GNC:

“Breakfast of champions.. (or slightly crazy individuals). 5 packs of Cream of Wheat, 4 liquid chickens (scrambled) and 8oz of dead buffalo (or bison). #PostCardioBreakfast #TheRedSauceIsLionBlood #AlsoKnownAsKetchup.”

Fucking gross. If you’re wondering how much time you have to spend eating and therefore shitting to become The Rock, this is the amount of food he eats every day:

“Meal 1: 10 oz cod, 2 whole egg, 2 cups oatmeal Meal 2: 8 oz cod, 12 oz sweet potato, 1 cup veggies Meal 3: 8 oz chicken, 2 cups white rice, 1 cup veggies Meal 4: 8 oz cod, 2 cups rice, 1 cup veggies, 1 tbsp fish oil Meal 5: 8 oz steak, 12 oz baked potato, spinach salad Meal 6: 10 oz cod, 2 cups rice, salad Meal 7: 30 grams casein protein, 10 egg-white omelet, 1 cup veggies (onions, peppers, mushrooms), 1 tbsp omega-3 fish oil.”

Good luck keeping that freshman chick around when your bowels and bathroom are a superfund site. Couple that with having to wake up twice a night to chug egg whites and you’re searching for extra options. Factor in that Leo DiCaprio pulls chicks while his workout routine entails cheesesteaks in the sauna with a Walker Blue and egg cream chaser. Fuck a liquid chicken. Smell what I’m cookin’?

Photo Credit: Instagram