Ray Rice Back In the Job Market

An appeals judge ruled that Roger Goodell is a fucking liar and didn’t discover any new evidence after first suspending Ray Rice just a couple games then later changing it until the end of time because of public pressure. Rice is now eligible to join whatever team will embrace the big old girlfriend slugging teddy bear. It’s hard to imagine any franchise is going to sign Rice to play for their team, not this year at least. Michael Vick made a come back after assassinating dogs but that was after serving serious jail time and pretending it taught him a valuable lesson about humanity. Rice and his now wife have continued to treat this as a private spat so Rice has never had the chance to fake cry on TV and beg for forgiveness. America loves that mea culpa shit even more than even obesity and modifying tractors. At least Rice will always have a topper to the ‘I’ve got the best woman ever’ claim by any dude ever at a party. If you’ve slugged your wife in front of the whole world and her first thought was how you probably needed more hummers to ease your tension, you win. Her, not so much.