Tila Tequila Reproduces

Turns out, Tila Tequila is still alive. She’s also reproducing. She posted on her blog that she gave birth to a baby girl, which really irritated the general public who by and large assumed she was either dead in a Gainesville motel or well on her way to being dead in a Gainesville motel. Vexing to know that cliche about only the good dying young is actually almost entirely true. In the last couple of years Tila has starved herself down to less than her birth weight, launched herself out of a first floor window, written love poems to Hitler, and produced another porn posing as a celebrity sex tape. It’s amazing she found the time to break into a sperm bank and baste the entire contents of cold storage drawer #7 into her twat. Her baby daddy is one of eighty-seven possible street grifters who sold their spunk to pay for Chipotle. If God is looking down upon this infant, she’ll be abandoned in a Burger King bathroom like that chick in Pennsylvania, raised by a foster family, and not even realize who her real mother is until she’s forty and visits her for the first time in the Old Vietnamese Whores Home.

Photo Credit: Instagram