Renee Zellweger Takes Her New Face for a Spin

I’m of the mindset that you earn the money, you buy whatever the fuck you want with it. Whatever makes you happy and doesn’t hurt anybody else. So, yes to mid-life Porsches, pointless water crafts, and hot German massage therapists. No to designer hypoallergenic dogs. Stop messing with nature, you deviant fucks. Renee Zellweger bought herself a new face and showed it off at some fashion magazine party last night. We could play the game and pretend its lighting or makeup or the ozone depletion effect from evil people who employ refrigerator technology to keep their milk from rotting, but it’s not. It’s a brand new face. It’s not the puffy Zellweger face we’ve come accustomed to seeing pudgy and tear streaked in movies made for people with weepy vaginas. I’d call it more the senior LPGA look with just a splash of Donatella. She’s probably got a few years left before scary mask face awakes with a permanent scowl. If I was Renee, I’d get my mating done sooner rather than later.