Amanda Bynes Returns to Rubber

When you’re crazy, there’s no such thing as down time. Over the weekend, Amanda Bynes recanted her child molestation charges, blamed her misguided allegations on a microchip placed in her head, and flew back to Los Angeles where she was tricked into a town car he thought was taking her to see a stage revue of cats dancing in Downton Abbey costumes but instead drove her straight into the gates of mental hospital lockdown. Wait, where is Lord Whiskers? Where the fuck is Lord Whiskers!!! That’s a dramatic reenactment.

Amanda is back on 5150 lockdown while her parents fight to get her named a ward once more so they can strap her down, rinse, lather, and repeat. Among the latest signs of Amanda’s return to the blurry side is the ancient Hebrew directions to the site of the Holy Grail lightly etched into her arms. It might also be her Grub Hub order. I’m certain there’s an amusing anecdote behind how it came to be.

There was a time in this country when we get the mentally ill permanently locked up in mad houses. Then Geraldo and his mustache ruined everything for the insane asylum industry. So we collectively determined letting people roam the streets self-medicating and talking to God was preferable to seeing them zombie walking in shit soiled gowns in between shock therapy. It would be awesome if complex social problems got better just by ignoring them. Of more immediate concern, somebody needs to throw Amanda Bynes car keys in the river.

Photo credit: FameFlynet