Mike Tyson Uses Powers For Good

Mike Tyson reportedly halted traffic on a blood and tears slicked freeway from L.A. to Vegas to assist a crashed motorcyclist. Tyson was able to stop speeding eager gamblers simply by craning his neck to reveal the obnoxious Ed Hardy billboard on his face. Tyson calmly recited One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish by heart to the injured biker until paramedics arrived. Passing motorists nervously flooded Tyson with support group encouragement lest he beat them just senseless and rape their women and children and family pets. Just kidding, nobody takes their woman to Vegas. Mike’s publicist/therapist confirmed he is making great strides, and although he is either the greatest dude in the world or a psychotic maniac known to bloody the frightened weak on any given commute, go ahead and concentrate on the good parts and don’t make eye contact.

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