Jerry Depardieu Loves Him Some Vino

Long seen as a fat drunken louse with a snotty accent, Gerard Depardieu is fighting back his soused mall Santa rep by glorifying his gluttony rather than defending it. Depardieu now brags that he drinks up to fourteen bottles of wine per day, along with some cocktails to break up the routine, and he rarely gets past the point of a being buzzed.

In the morning, it starts at home with champagne or red wine before 10am, then again champagne. Then food, accompanied by two bottles of wine.In the afternoon, champagne, beer and more pastis at around 5pm, to finish off the bottle. Later on, vodka and/or whisky. But I’m never totally drunk, just a little pissed

Depardieu’s track record of DUI, arrest for pissing in the aisle of a plane, looking like Louie Anderson’s less healthy brother, and requiring a quintuple bypass surgery might suggest he lacks self-awareness. Also, making two decent movies out of sixty-five tries is a pretty poor record even for the French. I don’t believe it’s even possible to drink fourteen bottles of water, let alone wine in a day. That’s 360 ounces or 45 cups if you’ve got a calculator like I do. It’s also about 9,000 calories which would quickly push you past just morbid obesity and into dead territory quickly. I think Jerry’s trying to translate his plain old tubby alcoholism into some legend of El Borracho romance.

It’s only a matter of time before two teen lovebirds discover Depardieu blue and cold beneath a collapsed child’s playground swing set in the park. For cause of death the coroner can write, just a little pissed, then we can all have a good knowing chuckle.

Photo credit: Splash News