Monica Lewinsky Is Anti-Fappening

Like most magazines, Vanity Fair editors are hoping to die before their print editions are formally shut down. There’s no gimmick that won’t be tried to keep from being flushed. Vanity Fair hired Monica Lewinsky to pen a series of first-woman essays on topics important to their readers. Lewinsky seemed to run out of ideas after her first article where she laid on a couch seductively and waxed philosophically like she was Catherine Deneuve reflecting on a lifetime of cinematic sexuality. Somebody fed her the topic of the celebrity leaked photos for her next essay because it was topical and didn’t take much thought. Not so surprisingly, Lewinsky used the MS Word Thesaurus to come out against illegal personal intrusions:

It is immaterial that the recently purloined photos revealed under-dressed celebrities. And, yet, being human we often find ourselves torn between our own right to privacy and our dissolute desires as voyeurs and gossips in an image-and trivia-fueled culture. How much we indulge our inquiring minds is an individual choice. But certainly we can agree that stolen private nudes of actresses (or of anyone, really) is crossing the double yellow line.

Technically I think she means a double double yellow line. If I recall my DMV pamphlet, you can make a left turn across a double yellow line in a commercial district unless it’s a Tuesday or Adrian Peterson is your daddy. Lewinsky goes on to associate her own victimhood with that of Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton who didn’t have cigars shoved up their twats by chubby letches, but female victimhood is a big tent.

If you’re like me, you don’t take sides in a social argument until Monica Lewinsky has weighed in. That’s not a fat joke unless you want it to be.