Kendall Jenner Naked Photo Leaked By Her Sister

It’s unfathomable that the Kardashians were not touched by the celebrity photo hacker scandal last week. That is until you learn of the proprietary storage cloud Kris Jenner had designed by North Korean scientists.  Curiously, all the scientists were lost at sea while returning home after completing the cock-shaped private storage farm for all Kardashian and Jenner dildo plunging selfies. The entrance to the data center is a subterranean stairwell that opens up underneath Khloe’s food bowl, making it both virtually impenetrable as well as physically. You’d have a simpler time maneuvering the three-headed hound at the river Styx.

Even more unfathomable is the idea there’s going to be naked photos of celebrity blowing up on the web without the Kardashians being included. Kardashians are drawn to publicity like prostitute moths to red light districts. Kim went out and got her nude modeling shots published in GQ. Kendall had nude photos taken by celebrity photographer Russell James for an upcoming photo book that Kourtney Kardashian teased on Twitter yesterday.

Ego-maniacal Kardashian shit just doesn’t happen by wishing upon an aborted fetus. It used to, until they started running out of fetuses because Kris flipped the abacus and determined living babies were now lucrative. Planning, preparation, and a solid whoring instinct. If you could replicate that, there’d be more families pulling in $60 million a year off tits and squeaky voices.