Beyonce and Jay Z Are Going to Make It

According to Matthew Knowles, the Jay Z and Beyonce divorce rumors of the past several months were a complete fiction ginned up to create buzz around their summer concert tour. Knowles says he used to do this shit all the time when he managed Beyonce and Destiny’s Child:

I know, because we’ve done this. From experience, there’s a tour going on. So you sometimes have to ignite that tour. It’s called a Jedi mind trick. The Jedi mind trick fools you a lot.

I can’t believe Beyonce fired her dad as manager what with his Jedi Mind tricks and highly motile sperm. I’m not surprised by celebrity publicists creating buzz by dropping hot rumors in the media trades before a tour or album release. What is more interesting is why people actually give a shit if Beyonce and Jay Z stay married and pretend to co-parent the stripper named baby Beyonce hasn’t touched since she accidentally brushed it with her elbow when writing a check to the surrogate.

When my girlfriend comes to me and says, so and so broke up, isn’t that sad. I say, yes, very very sad, because I still desire oral sex in my life. But what I’m thinking is why the fuck is it sad that two people who make each other miserable have decided to no longer be miserable. It’s sad when somebody you love dies, not when somebody who you’ve been contemplating poisoning for the last six months says, we need to talk.

Photo Credit: INF, Fame Flynet