Gene Simmons’ Advice For Immigrants

Gene Simmons went on a fresh rant advising immigrants to learn English. Simmons has a knack for taking mundane ideas and passing them off as controversial. Take the over produced butt rock band he founded. Simmons convinced an entire generation that scary face painting and puking blood was cool and edgy as opposed to a shitty haunted house gag you would have told your parents you were too old for by fifth grade. Ever since taking advantage of America’s collective cocaine induced psychosis, Simmons believes all of his ideas are groundbreaking. Take his advice to immigrants:

“I’m actually saying the thing that needs to be said because the politically correct climate is bullshit, You don’t want to upset anybody by saying, ‘Learn to speak goddamn English.’ So, as an immigrant, I’m telling you: learn to speak goddamn English. It is the key that will unlock the keys to the kingdom.”

Simmons routinely makes No Shit commentary with the air of a theologian discussing philosophical matters. He’s that guy who tells you he started substituting honey mustard for mayonnaise like he should win a MacArthur Grant. Outside of some reconquistador extremists, who would argue against Simmons? Of course it would benefit immigrants to learn English. Most do. All of them make their kids learn English. It’s probably easier when you have down time between cashing residual checks and firing the dude with male tit cancer from the band. Thanks, Demon.

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