Toni Garrn Topless on a Boat

Leonardo DiCaprio is not a man with a ton of time to waste. If you discount clubbing, karate kicking, and deep musing, he’s a very busy guy who medically requires sex five times a day with somebody with a modeling card in Frankfurt and Milan. Clothes take time to remove. Fancy model clothes take even more time. Then there’s that whole bit about wrinkling them or how it’s impossible to get horse pee out of silk. Total bother even for the man with nothing but time. Leo has no time. It’s best you just wait for him on the boat with as little as you can wear without being arrested by Interpol. You know who liked to wear clothes? Bar Refaeli. Now she’s running homing beacons into Hamas apartments. Anything more than a thong bottom and you can swim back to shore. DiCaprio, out.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI