Coolio Has A New Record Label

Coolio will be releasing his music on Pornhub.com from now on because it’s the website most often visited on mute. Pornhub agreed to provide Coolio with some porn stars to dance around in his new video because he didn’t have the requisite $200 dollars for sixty minutes of on-camera dancing and a hand job if it’s not The Sabbath. This is a real blow to Cooli’s rep because porn chicks will appear in your videos for free if you have any name recognition whatsoever,  even if just for killing children on a school bus.

Coolio has not released an album in five years. To put that in porn terms, most of the girls dancing in his video were just fourteen year old incest victim runaways at the time of his last album. Still, most of them are from Eastern European nations where Gangster’s Paradise just hit their smuggled transistor radios. I guess this is the wave of the future. Digital porn-horrible rap synergies. I’m not sure I need to hear Coolio lamenting the lack of economic activity in the hood while I’m jerking off for the third time and wondering why I didn’t attend law school.

Photo Credit: Instagram