Archie Died Today Saving Gay Bestie

Comic book icon Archie Andrews died today saving his gay best friend from an assassin’s bullet. On a happier note, the town of Riverdale was a taught a valuable lesson on cultural tolerance and the need for gun control.

He dies in the manner that epitomizes not only the best of Riverdale but the best of all of us. — Jon Goldwater, Archie Comics publisher and co-CEO

Four years ago the folks at Archie Comics decided that Life With Archie should be a beacon of social progress rather than just a silly but lovable comic book around since 1941. They introduced Kevin Keller, the comic’s first gay character and military veteran who quickly went on to get gay married to a gay soldier he met while both were recovering in a hospital from being super gay brave. Keller got his own Archie comic book series complete with boy-boy kissing and running for Senate for which GLAAD invented eleven new awards just to honor. Keller was also Archie’s very best friend in the whole wide Riverdale world. It made perfect sense that Archie’s life would come to an end today taking a bullet meant for freshman Senator Keller and his bold gun-control agenda. The ultimate sacrifice.

The world of Riverdale has to reflect contemporary culture and to show it is an accepting, diverse place. — Dan Parent, Life with Archie creator

I guess this would be that contemporary culture where there are no openly homosexual Senators. Though if they existed, they’d be accepted, or, you know, assassinated. I don’t even understand this message and I’m a guy who loves being lectured to by self-righteous cartoonists with a political agenda.

I could care less if Archie’s corpse is desecrated by Jughead who Facebook now allows to use Necrophiliac as relationship status. I was always more into Fantastic Four and The Avengers. And it’s none of my business if Ben Grimm is a cock fiend of extraordinary proportions. I just want everybody to do their jobs. Save the fucking universe. Or I guess Archie’s job, taking a bullet from a reactionary right wing political nut job who thinks violence is the solution to an evolving cultural landscape that scares him and Jesus. At least Archie is spared the indignity of seeing what comes next.