One Armed Miss Iowa Is An Inspiration

Nicole Kelly beat out over 2,000 contestants to be named Miss Iowa. This is even more impressive since she is missing the lower half of her left arm. I guess you really can’t be missing just the upper half of your arm. Kelly is a factor four times hotter than any girl I’ve ever slept with, so it pains me to say her missing limb should’ve denied her this particular awesome title. Miss America is supposed to embody the ideals of the perfect female form. That along with playing the violin or having a canned answer for tension in Gaza is what earns you that crown. The judges pick apart the contestants bodies. You’re not getting in if you’re ass isn’t perfect. So why should you get in with an imperfect arm? No, it’s not your fault you were born with a partially missing appendage. But it’s nobody’s fault for being born ugly or pear shaped or just God striking you with the Lena Dunham stick. The vast majority of woman have body issues that prevent them from being crowned Miss America. Instead of circling my crappy apartment chanting about how fucking mean I am for calling a limb a limb, take your efforts to the creepy pageant people from the 19th century and tell them to quit it with their inane competitions. Outside of the little girl pageants that we use to keep all the pedophiles in one place, there’s no reason for any of this trumped up model of perfection nonsense. Kelly seems pretty cool and isn’t missing any of the important parts so she’s a winner in my book.

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