Lance Armstrong Is Doing Fine

Like most disgraced and publicly humbled celebrities Armstrong spends his time banging models, drinking specialty margaritas he created called Lanceritas, and playing golf. He also realized he was 42 and it was time to stop riding around on a bike. Armstrong is still bothered by the fact he was singled out for cheating in a sport where everyone cheated so he kind of acts like the rich kid who had his beemer impounded and has to be driven to school by the butler. He’s still active in cancer charities because there’s a reasonable chance the cancer thing wasn’t a lie. Though in his prime, he would’ve hatcheted off a nut just to carry on such a ruse. The gist of Lance’s interview in Esquire is that he just doesn’t give a fuck what you think. He just wants you to know that he is somewhere warm, drinking Lanceritas, and boning a chicks with his bike helmet on. That Lance. He’s still adorable.

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