Jessica Simpson Looks Good Again

Jessica Simpson lost weight by precisely measuring her meals and what appears to be some extremely vigorous calf lifts. Jesus just look at those Tour de France calves. Jessica is finally marrying the dude who played tight end in the NFL for a year before realizing being chubby and having sex with Jessica Simpson was forty-percent less likely to result in a concussion disorder. It’s also equally lucrative. He went to Yale. Those bastards are clever. Knock her up, lock her down, and get on to being the ‘marketing consultant’ for her billion dollar selling consumer products lines. I had the very same plan but only got as far as the chubby part.

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