Brittny Gastineau Got Beat Up By This Tagger

Here’s the conundrum in dating an artist. Either they’re truly talented, in which case they’re going to be a self-involved, impossible, mood swinging, drinking, pain in the ass. Or they’re a hack, in which case they’re going to be a self-involved, impossible, mood swinging, drinking, pain in the ass who’s also broke. Brittny Gastineau is dating Marquis Lewis, but the jet set who pay him to express himself in hieroglyphic street murals know him as Retna. Of course they do. Score for Brittny who one-upped Kim Kardashian by taking a left at rapper and a sharp right at pro athlete and found a tagger to make her feel connected to the urban landscape in which she occasionally models. I guess a profound art conversation in the London Hotel in West Hollywood got out of hand because that’s when Retna punched Brittny in the eyeball so bad she had to go to the hospital. Just horrible. I’m not even going to consider the irony of his fake name being Retna.

Lewis’ attorney Michael Goldstein is claiming that the fight was mutual and it was the brunette beauty who was the aggressor as he had just gotten out of knee surgery and was on crutches. — Daily Mail

Yeah, my man, I don’t know how the justice system works among the constructed text hieroglyphic street artists, but in L.A. courtrooms, “mutual fight” isn’t a valid defense for cracking a woman across the face. Not since like 1980. I do like the crutches bit. Nothing paints a sympathetic portrait like a graffiti artist getting arthroscopic surgery for his old overpass climbing injuries. You are so incredibly fucked. Not only are you going to Chris Brown prison, you’re going to be a running subplot on domestic violence on Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Welcome to the E!th Circle of Hell.