Rob Kardashian Sent into Fatty Exile

Able was I ere I ate Elba. Depending on whose side of the story you believe, Rob Karsashian either ditched his sister’s Florentine wedding because he’s the only Kardashian with enough integrity to see through the disgustingly shallow and money grubbing disease that plagues his entire family, or, because he’s a fat whiny bitch with enough integrity to see through the disgustingly shallow and money grubbing disease that plagues his entire family. According to reports, a tear-streaked Rob fled Italy prior to the wedding like an exiled Caesar:

Rob said he was sickened by Kim and Kanye’s display of wealth and clothes and beauty and called it superficial bullshit.

In addition to Rob’s comfort eating enlightenment, Kim and her sorority apparently made one too many biting comments about Rob not losing enough weight to fit into his Armani tuxedo which was storyboard approved for Kim’s wedding day photos. It’s pretty damn mean when your own family calls you a fat whiny chunk of pussy. Even when you are. How about a little love for your sock designing prowess and your ability to slug female paparazzo? As the sole male heir to dead Robert Kardashian, Rob is in line to inherit about twelve bucks someday. That’s just enough cash to wolf down two footlong meatballs at Subway while watching his starving, successful sisters roll by in their Bentleys sitting atop rapper dick so they can see over the dash.

Photo credit: FameFlynet