Jessica Alba In A Bikini for Entertainment Weekly

Jessica Alba regrets being forced to lie about being more sexual than she was as a hot looking actress coming up the food chain. She just didn’t want to come off like the innocent church girl that she really was because I guess then guys would stop dreaming about humping her legs all the time and her Dame Judy Dench like acting talents might be overlooked.

I never slept my way through Hollywood, so I never felt like I compromised. Apparently people do it, I didn’t. I felt like I never compromised myself because I’m a prude. I don’t know. I grew up Catholic. In my head I’m always thinking, ‘Oh God, can my grandma see this?

Fuck, stop toying around and name some naughty whore names. I bet you’ve got a long list of slutty actresses you share with grandma after church while she lauds you for having your titties digital drawn in for Machete so you can still go to heaven.

Sometimes I would lie and say something that wasn’t true to make myself seem more interesting that I was. I mean, I didn’t even know how to walk in heels until I went to the Golden Globes for the first time.

God, you’re making me hot, you naughty little librarian girl next door. I’m going to stare deeply at your airbrushed photos in Entertainment Weekly. It’s probably the first time you ever wore a bikini or stuck your finger in your mouth for a photo.

Photo Credit: Entertainment Weekly