Working at McDonald’s Revealed to Be Not Awesome

I hate when people protest McDonald’s as if Indiana Jones just emerged from its bowels with secret findings about how disgusting the food is or how everybody who works there is making minimum wage plus two cents an hour for greasy complexion compensation. Yeah, you got them, Indy. Or protesting bitches at their headquarters in Illinois demanding Mickey D’s pay their workers more, as if those who work at McDonald’s are somehow born into indentured servitude like the pyramid builders. McDonald’s hasn’t changed in fifty years. They’ve still got unskilled burger flippers and fry cooks doling out meals at inexplicably low prices to pre-diabetics passing through their high speed turnstiles. What’s changed is everything else around them. Like heads of households thinking they can provide for a family with a job meant for high school kids with too much acne to work as grocery store baggers. I’m sorry you have a brood to feed and the six-figure french fryer jobs at the McDonald’s competitors were all taken. You’re supposed to be broke-ass when you’re a teen or make lots of babies or drop out of high school or predominantly speak one of those weird languages that always sounds like you’re fighting. That way you get to learn for yourself that being broke sucks and you ought to do something about that. Like, learn a trade skill, or I guess make signs and yell really loudly until somebody pays you to go away. The last time people protested McDonald’s, we ended up with cryo chamber apple slices and a talking big-toothed Minions character ripoff pushing milk to go with your quarter-pounder. We don’t need that shit. Leave McDonald’s alone. It’s absolutely perfect at being what it is. It’s you who needs to change.

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