Rory McIlroy Calls Off Wedding With Caroline Wozniacki

Rory McIlroy has decided to call off his pending wedding to Caroline Wozniacki. Rory claims the process of sending out the wedding invitations forced him to search his soul and conclude that he could bang tons of hot model chicks for the next ten to fifteen years and then still marry a good looking tennis player. He sent out a very personal, touching public statement via his sports management company press release:

The problem is mine. The wedding invitations issued at the weekend made me realize that I wasn’t ready for all that marriage entails. There is no right way to end a relationship that has been so important to two people. I wish Caroline all the happiness she deserves and thank her for the great times we have had. I will not be saying anything more about our relationship in any setting.

The bigger question is, where the fuck are the buddies who are supposed to be warning you off getting married at 25 in the first place. The dudes who when you first say, hey, guys, I’m thinking about getting married, they punch you in the gut and say the fuck you are, you dumb mick tool. You’ve been given a true gift by God above. No, not your little putting shit. You can have any woman in the world any given day, two on Tuesdays, and you’re not throwing that away. That’s a sin. Now go be seen leaving Nina Agdal’s beach house early in the morning wearing the same thing you were the night before and stop being such a golf pussy.

Photo Credit: JBS