Lindsay Lohan Boobs Have Arrived in Cannes

I’m no freaky NBA franchise owner, but if Lindsay Lohan were my kept woman I’d put my foot down on the topless Instagrams with random black dudes. She can bone them, but for social media and Passover Seders, I’d ask that she stick to the races that can’t fight back like the Hmong People and whatever Justin Bieber. The Cannes Film Festival has become the home of insufferable European cinephiles you want to punch in the face and Kardashian girls that will beg you to punch them in the uterus when you see them running back to their hotel rooms in the early morning hours. What Lindsay is doing in Cannes is anybody’s guess, save for screaming out ‘the cocaine song!’ every time the jingly French ice truck rolls by.