Free Willy

Sometimes, I take a bite into my tuna sandwich and I can taste the oppression of man’s domination over the seas. Also, a hint of cadmium isotopes from Fukushima. Quite delightful really. The good and decent human hating folks at PETA want to remind everyone that fish are not fish, they’re mammals like cows and pigs, only more so the cute mammals we don’t eat unless we live in Vietnam, like dogs and horses and fat people who look like Santa. Everybody’s pissed at Sea World for being mean to their fishes, err, people like creatures with feelings that shit in the ocean and eat tons of chum just like we do. And when PETA wants media attention, they lie about getting some celebrity naked. This time it’s Smallville’s Laura Vandervoort who isn’t really naked in this shockingly naked Sea World protest photo from PETA. Seeing Laura drowning in a cramped underwater tank helps put this situation in stark perspective. For instance, I now realize that if Sea World put hot naked girls in their shows instead of trained fish, I’d be tempted to say something I haven’t said since I was six, ‘Can we please go to Sea World?’

Photo Credit: PETA