The Human Barbie Is Kind of a Bitch

Finally, we have a real human Barbie doll with big tits, a tiny waist, and a contrived smiley face that would make any man feel like Ken, but with a real Ken dick instead of a plastic bump. Valeria Lukyanova has cut herself up something good, painted and tattooed other parts, toward her odd obsession to look like a Barbie Doll. She seems just so perfect. That ideally unreal female form that feminists have been decrying through the decades. And just when you’re ready to get the Winnebago and Disco Barbie play sets to bang her atop, your Barbie starts spouting shit about the degeneration of the human species thanks to racial mixing.

Ethnicities are mixing now, so there’s degeneration, and it didn’t used to be like that. Remember how many beautiful women there were in the 1950s and 1960s, without any surgery? And now, thanks to degeneration, we have this.”

In addition to her modernist views on the Master Race, Valeria has declared that families and children are for losers, As is food and water. She’s decided she’s going to live on nothing more than air and sunshine in the future. She calls it ‘Breatharianism’. I’m going to go ahead and call it a fairly expeditious solution to her off-putting racial rants. If she’s still alive in a week, it’s time to let her know that Barbie was invented by a Jewish couple and watch her ginormous eyelids flutter shut for the final time.

Photo Credit: Valeria Lukyanova/Facebook