Courtney Love’s Clairvoyant Powers Prove Rusty

The true tragedy of that missing Malaysian jet liner has yet to unfold. As far as collateral damage, I can tell you that my plans to never ever visit Malaysia have been extended by ten more years. It’s not you, Malaysia, it’s me. The good news is that whether the plane was hijacked and crashed, was suicided into the sea by a pilot with a name that would make us say ‘of course!, or just super malfunctioned into the vast oceanic expanse, Courtney Love and her other worldly vision done found out. So she posted her doodle to Facebook:

I’m no expert but up close this does look like a plane and an oil slick.

While common sense would tell you that a drug-addled woman stinking of elderberry trolling an online satellite imaging site would be the one to find the missing plane, not so fast. Sometimes the blind soothsayer is just blind. The satellite website quickly discounted Courtney’s find:

Sometimes our eyes see what we want them to see

I think they left off the second part ‘and sometimes speedballs don’t actually give us the E.S.P. powers we think they do’. Nevertheless, Courtney remained chipper, as if naturally happy or severely medicated:

Yeah, I went to the satellite site and just uploaded tons and tons of pictures. I really doubt aliens took it. It’s got to be somewhere. I’m a little obsessive. I mean I don’t know anything about aviation per se,

She does know something about aviation through the course of her arrests for being fucked up and dangerous on commercial airlines, but I think she’s referring more to the science of aeronautics. Or any science or book learning, per se. Courtney can now repurpose her extraordinary mind’s eye to searching for D.B. Cooper and the Oxy bottle she remembers stashing in a piece of furniture.