Ashanti in A Bikini

In life, people will only measure you on your improvement in situation. People love to say shit like ‘Hey, you lost weight’ or ‘I heard you got a big promotion!’ Nobody ever says ‘That’s great that you used to be not such a fat fuck’ or ‘Boy, you did well for yourself in April 2005’. It’s probably tough to be somebody like Ashanti who was super crazy famous in her early 20′ to now go to the beach and nobody takes your picture. So she had a friend snap her photo and upload it to Instagram. That’s like sending yourself flowers or buying a dildo off of a television infomercial from a pretend sex doctor. It’s a sign you’re probably ready for cats and rubber bands on your door knobs. Ashanti dated Nelly for a long while until he too proved to be a 20-something wonder. The last thing you want to be is a couple in your 30’s talking about the grand old days. That’s depressing. Still, I admire the fact that Ashanti is trying to keep the wheel spinning by performing at benefits and neatly waxing her pubes. Nobody’s ever done for so long as they have neatly shorn genitals.

Photo Credit: Ashanti/Instagram