Instant Retraction: Carl’s Jr. Burgers Are Fucking Awesome

Five seconds ago I made an off-the-cuff and not entirely complimentary remark about Carl’s Jr. burgers. Since that time I’ve come to realize that their burgers are totally fucking awesome and that they might be on our list of intended advertising targets. Not that one has to do with the other. But just look at the goddamn burger photo that pops up when you Google Carl’s Jr. burgers. Don’t tell me you aren’t thinking about getting wicked high and shoving that beast into your gullet at three in the morning. Yeah, boy. Even those fried pieces of intestine from sheep slaughtered after the Fukushima meltdown look like edible strips of heaven. In fact, go buy ten of these burgers now. Tell them heavy on the cheese, but light on whatever you call that nasty stuff you get because the dude in the back didn’t lave his manos in accordance with posted signage. I think we’re good now.