Irina Shayk Tries to Save the Olympics

The Winter Olympics in Sochi already suck. Independent of crappy Russian plumbing and the Muslim terrorists and the mass slaughter of canines, it’s the fucking Winter Olympics. It’s a series of sports made up by rich Swiss kids in the 1700’s because it was too fucking snowy to kick the sheep’s bladder around like their British friends. Until they add artillery pieces to the bobsled and make it blast yetis out of its path it’s just a pale imitation of the imitation Matterhorn. Even Obama’s grand plan to airdrop gays onto Sochi seems played out at this point. And I’m a man who loves a good gay airdrop. Can Irina Shayk’s tits save the Winter Olympics? Strap her naked on a luge and let’s find out. I’d watch Bob Costas wax poetic about that by the fireplace.

Photo Credit: Irina Shayk/Instagram