Kylie Jenner Needs a Big Sister

While Kylie Jenner appears to be spending her days visiting nail salons and shopping for shoes, I can’t help but wonder if what she’s really searching for isn’t sold in any Beverly Hills boutiques. That’s right — cold hard American cash money. Still two years away from being able to legally show off her titties, and probably four away from having a baby stuffed into her by a moderate to high profile black athlete, Kylie’s left to shill the occasional teeny-bopper lipstick line or rash-inducing sparkle cream at the mall or online to her Twitter followers. Her real half-sisters aren’t going to give her help out-earning them. Everybody wants the bigger seat at the table. Kylie needs a mentor. Like an after-school mentor if she actually went to school. A business manager to guide her to her own nest egg so she doesn’t need to beg her parents for Mercedes and coke cash. That shit’s embarrassing. Anybody who says Kylie can’t be making real big dollars right right now because she’s only sixteen is missing two simple words: International Waters. You get out past a dozen or so miles off the coastline, and there’s no reason Kylie can’t be entertaining wealthy Emirs and Sultans just like her older siblings. Boat goes out at noon, boat comes back at midnight loaded down with fuck you money. This walking about scrounging up a couple thousand here and there is not for Kylie. Big time, baby. I got a guy with a skiff. Let’s get this started.

Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, WENN