Selena Gomez Says Her Ass Is Not Enough For Drake

Selena Gomez says that Drake’s anaconda don’t want none of her scrawny ass. Like a lot of people in the artificial world of celebrity, Selena is in love with Drake. But, Selena surmises from her deep life experience growing up in Hollywood that Drake probably has a penchant for big booties:

“I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I don’t think my butt is big enough for Drake.”

It’s a good rule of thumb for life that when someone prefaces something with, “I mean this in the nicest way possible”, that it’s going to be kind of fucked up, or just a tad bit racist. I just don’t get the big fucking deal about Drake. He looks like a million other black Canadian Jews that rose to fame playing a wheelchair bound kid on TV. Why does every girl in Hollywood want to suck on his concocted rapper bone? I suppose if you last boyfriend was Justin Bieber you’re just excited by the prospect of a guy who can lift a box or two when you move.