Gwyneth Paltrow Says She Could Accept a Cheating Husband

As part of her pretense to being an understand wife in promotional support of her new film on sex addiction, Gwyneth Paltrow says she could accept some wandering by her husband. She would also not rule out romantic relationship with a sex addict.

‘No couple is the same, and as such, every couple takes on different challenges. I would like to think that I would be forgiving and/or forgiven, but I can’t give an honest answer as I haven’t really experienced that.”

Yeah, um — it’s a trap. Listen up, Gay Beethoven. If Gwyneth catches you sobbing as you lay your semi-erect male member into another woman, she’s going to make your life so fucking miserable. Ironically, it’ll be like living in a Coldplay song. You think that puritanical piece of  absorbent facial tissue is going to accept your ‘sex addiction’ excuse for banging a woman with any actual pigment in her skin? Good luck with that, Prancing Schroeder. Your testicles will be bobbing in a bio-degradable designer cup available exclusively on GOOP.