What Is Lady Gaga’s Horrible Terrible Secret?

A judge ordered a bunch of documents sealed forever in matters between Lady Gaga’s former business manager and another Gaga associate because there’s information in there that the judge agreed could be highly damaging to Lady Gaga’s career. This is leading to rampant speculation as to what could be so shocking in Lady Gaga’s past to make even her mindless little monsters turn their backs on her vamp act. Naturally, everybody dug up the old rumor that Lady Gaga has a dick. But no judge would conclude that hordes of gay men would suddenly lose interest in Lady Gaga because she has a man stem. It’s got to be truly disturbing. But just like following the trail of the girl you saw on the snuff film tossed into the storm drain. Or asking to see how KFC makes their boneless wings. Some horrors are better left to German children’s fairy tales. Learning Lady Gaga’s terrible secret means you will be dead within a week. Probably choked to death on her penis.