Satanists Turn Westboro Baptist Church Pastor’s Mom Gay

The Satanic Temple of New York City decided to hit Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps where it hurt: by turning his mom into a lesbo through evil magic! The group took a trip down to Mississippi and conducted a “pink mass” over the grave of Fred Phelps’ mom Catherine Idalette Johnston. The magic spell, which included both lesbians and gay dudes making out over her grave, will cause Cathy’s ghost to suddenly get a craving for lady bits. Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church are infamous for protesting at the funerals of soldiers and celebrities and somehow equating everything bad that happens to homosexual buttlove. So, the Satanic Temple thought that maybe if he felt what it was like to have someone do some disrespectful shit to his family’s grave that he’d understand why it is a total dick move,

“We believe that Fred Phelps is obligated to believe that his mother is now gay in the afterlife. Further, if beliefs are inviolable rights, nobody has the right to challenge our right to believe that Fred Phelps believes that his mother is now gay.”

While I don’t for a second believe in any of this bullshit, it is pretty funny. It’s funny because Fred Phelps believes in Satan and therefor in his diabolical power and is now going to have to ask Jesus to un-gay his mom. It’s also hilarious to me that these guys are such hated dicks that even lame goth Satanists think they suck. They plan on also doing “pink masses” over Phelp’s dad and aunt’s graves and one day Phelp’s own tomb, “Fred himself is getting pretty long in the tooth, and I hope to be presiding over his Pink Mass before long.” It’s all so fucked up it almost circles back to making sense.

(Photo via thesatanictemple.com)