Alicia Silverstone Running an Outlaw Vegan Breast Milk Syndicate

There’s something about Hollywood success that feeds right into that part of the brain that tells a person, fuck, I must be especially smart. I know important shit. No, I didn’t really study it in school or gain knowledge through professional experience and educational rigor, but I just know shit. Alicia Silverstone knows that babies need organic vegan breast milk from organic vegan moms. Just like last year she knew that she needed to pre-chew her infant son’s food before spitting it into his mouth. Now, she’s forming an online trading post for kale-fed mothers to swap breast milk with moms who may be short a few pints.

“If you have milk to share – post it! If you are in need of milk – post it! Think of all the babies we can help raise together!”

Sounds great. It takes a village of organic human mom cows and all that. Only thing is, you know what else loves untested organic breast milk? Oh, HIV, as a for instance. Now that doesn’t sound quite as yummy, does it. I’m not saying Alicia Silverstone’s heart isn’t in the right place, I’m just saying she’s going to give a bunch of babies The AIDS. Just like when Jenny McCarthy made sure measles and tuberculosis made a comeback because the magic knowledge portal in her head instructed her so.